How the internet made long-distance love a Gen Z relationship goal

When a couple is apart from each other, it's traditionally considered a nuisance at best. And you only have to look at Carrie Bradshaw's despairing response to Big moving to Paris in Sex And The City to know that being separate is often thought to be the kiss of death for a romantic relationship.

But Gen Z are not only optimistic about the potential of long-distance relationships, but some online are also claiming it's preferable to a traditional relationship. One TikTok user, @brooklyn_crosby, described long-distance relationships as  "the healthiest thing a relationship can go through," explaining that they can help to improve communication and encourage you to appreciate each other more. Another user, Dani Friedmann, made a TikTok video claiming that she loves her long-distance relationship because it allows her to focus on self-improvement. The text of her video reads: "sleep more, WAY more productive, eat healthier, go out with the girls, locked TF in, consistent schedule, and talk to my man on ft every night. Like this is GOATED." 

Clearly, people online believe that a long-distance relationship is all about growth — relationship growth, but also personal growth, which is something of the utmost importance for Gen Z. Social media is flooded with productivity and self-help content. There are over 53,000 posts with the tag #5to9 in which people document their hyper-productive pre-work routines between 5 a.m. and 9 a.m.. On top of that, 39 percent of British and American Gen Z strongly agree that goal-setting is linked to success, either in the workplace or their personal life. Young adults are presenting long-distance relationships as the answer for those who don't want a relationship to get in the way of self-development but still want to experience romantic relationships.

Independent women

Twenty-eight-year-old Sarah* has been with her partner for 10 years, four of which were long-distance and she says that having time and energy for their own lives and careers was one of the biggest benefits: "We both had ambitions and continued to pursue our own lives even while being in a relationship," she tells Mashable. "We both have respect for each other and want each other to do well."

Similarly, 26-year-old Thea has been in a long-distance relationship for four years, and she says that the biggest benefit has been having time to focus on personal development. "It allows you to lead the life you want to without having to compromise," she says. "Being in your 20s is all about exploring what you want to do and how you want to lead your life."

The impetus for self-growth while in a relationship might feel particularly pressing for women, who still face gendered expectations in their relationships at home and at work. 

"Distance can be one way to obtain the space for people to have more autonomy [...] which will likely appeal to women, who have been historically prevented from establishing independent work and personal lives," he explains. 

"In the back of my head, I was conscious that I wanted to have new experiences and not having my boyfriend to come back to every night would be a good opportunity to meet more new people," Sarah says, explaining that she thought it would be beneficial to go long-distance originally. Thea adds that: "Having that loving and supporting person there but also being fully selfish and making decisions thinking of yourself rather than as a two has great benefits while we are young as it means you don't compromise on any of your aspirations."

Why Gen Z decenters romance

The preference for a long-distance relationship perhaps also reflects how young people are decentering romantic love from their lives, focusing on friendships and other relationships instead. In fact, according to a 2025 report by YPulse, only 27 percent of Gen-Z are actively looking to date. Living in a different city or country from your partner allows you to experience some of the benefits of a romantic relationship without other commitments. "I know friends who can get wrapped up in a relationship. [Long distance relationships] avoids [you and your partner] becoming one person so early on in your adult development," Thea says.

And the sacrifice of long-distance may not feel as significant as it did in the past, with so many ways to communicate digitally. In fact, an Ofcom report found that 71 percent of older children and teens (aged 11-18) feel more confident communicating online than in person. Another survey found that 31 percent of American adults prefer texting to talking on the phone. This is another reason why people are idolising long-distance relationships. There's even a dating app, Bumpy,  which is specifically designed for people who want to date internationally. According to Bumpy, the app has had 20 million downloads, and 60 percent of their users are women. It's not designed for holiday flings or casual texting either – Bumpy claims that 70 percent of users are looking for a serious relationship with someone who lives in a different country to them.

But as Gen-Z's lack of social connection is regularly associated with their worsening mental health levels, should we be worried about the rise of long-distance relationships? Brunning says the increasing interest in long-distance relationships is an example of "adaptive preference," a concept that explains why desires subconsciously change due to the way people are forced to work and live in modern times. "When work is increasingly flexible, remote, or precarious, and when housing is hard to afford, it is unsurprising that more people might embrace alternatives: they have little choice," Brunning explains. 

It might also have something to do with attachment styles, according to relationship therapist Georgina Sturmer. "If our attachment style is avoidant, then we might struggle when relationships become too close. We might push people away or seek space, in order to feel more comfortable," she explains. "It is these attachment behaviours that might make a long-distance relationship feel more appealing."

In a healthy relationship, it's important to be able to focus on yourself, without having to put distance between you and your partner, Sturmer says. "This ability to be united, but retain our own identity, is an important part of adult relationships," she explains, adding that it's essential to have, "honest and assertive conversations about how we can maintain a relationship while also holding space for ourselves."

However, that's not to say that long-distance relationships are inherently toxic, particularly if they allow you and your partner to pursue things you feel strongly about for yourselves, whether that's work, friendships, or hobbies. Sarah is living with her partner now, and she says that long-distance ultimately shaped what a healthy and loving relationship is. 

"I valued having that experience of growing up separately and coming together and now we're pretty much inseparable," she says, adding, "The whole absence makes the heart grow fonder is definitely something that applies to us. It's been something that's strengthened the relationship and made us realise what we value in a partner and how much we do love being together."